this would be one of those things that makes me want to bash my head up against a brick wall

It is amazing to me that people can become so convinced that they are right that they no longer feel the need to have credible data to back up their claims. Really, Cathie Adams, I have to assume you've got some kind of Christian Right agenda, non? Ok, then let me remind you that LYING is a sin too. Jon Stewart had the most fantastic melter over this story. Jon, thank you. You give me hope that I'm not the only one out there who finds this all OUTRAGEOUS.

On a lighter note, Shakira has an intriguing new video out, which appears to be an instructional on how to make Salsa con Writhing.

who is voting for scott savol?

Seriously. Identify yourself.

6 words, not hard to understand

Oprah has the “He’s Just Not That Into You” guy on today. And he’s just giving it to all these poor, sad, delusional women. What is wrong with girls?! They are so annoying!! Stop insisting these guys are “the one”! Sheesh.

OMG fantastic. He just announced “who doesn’t love a make-out party?!” Indeed.

OMG not fantastic. He just admonished women to wait SEVERAL MONTHS before having sex with someone they really like. Are you kidding me??? Seriously? Oh my lord.

This is happy news! Tina Fey is a woman, like Liz Phair, who should procreate as much as possible. The world needs more ladies like them. And/or more boys raised by ladies like them.

Tina Fey is pregnant: The ''SNL'' anchor and her husband expect their first child in September

the rest are censored

Photos are starting to roll in from the scavenger hunt. This is me & Hadley putting on a little bar top show to get the crowd going on Friday night. I'd show the rest, but, um... well they're not real ladylike.

bartop dance-a-thon

Our fearless leaders


livs & millers kick things off

A few photos of Team El Tigre


erin & dennis unwind after a hard day of work



this is john. john is my hero.

A few photos of the competition


look closely


again, look closely


it was just that kind of weekend... my name tag says "ask me to get naked" I'm guessing he got confused

stop making it so easy on them

Come on AmId song-picker guy. Anything from 2000 onwards? That’s so easy! Come on!! Challenge them a little!!

Several questions spring to mind:

*best chandler bing* Could Carrie be more dull?

Why was Clay Aiken dressed up as Rainbow Bright?

Why was Bo wearing a dashiki? I liked that song actually, good for Bo. Good for Simon for calling him out on the hein sunglasses. Seriously.

Where can I get one of those Vonzell oversize tees? Those are hot. She’s fantastic.

*purses lips, channels mom* Oh, Ryan Seacrest, get out of town. I really can’t abide by him.

Anthony’s parents are darling, aren’t they? Nashammy Idol indeed. My inner 12 year old thinks he’s such a cutie.

I love Simon. “There’s good news to come!” HA! Lyrical genius. He’s amazing.

Oh Constantine no, we really don’t need another maroon 5/matchbox 20/eve 6, do we? Let’s vote him off rapidement.

But first, let’s get Scott gone, shall we?

Was anyone else a hair disappointed that Paula didn’t have a full blown on air melter? She was thisclose, she's wound a bit tight these days, don'tcha think? Dying for the big Nightline exposé!

republicans are scary

I just watched Liddy Dole, resplendent in a bubblegum pink St. John Knit and frosted hair, point a bony finger at a reporter and say "The Democrats will suffer if they try to shut down the government. THEY WILL SUFFER!" Excuse me, I need to go rescue my skin - it just crawled off my body. Oh, and Bill Frist is an ass. That's all - I can't bring myself to waste any more of time on him than that.

oh, a falsetto child

Faithful readers of this blog, all seven of you, know that I make a point of celebrating life’s little joys as often as possible. Mostly because I’ve learned that life would be pretty miserable if I didn’t take the time to enjoy the wonderful, funny, awe-inspiring and just plain nice things that happen to me. And there are so many of them, you just need to know what to look for.

My mom once described my Uncle Vinny (yes, there really is an Uncle Vinny, and he’s exactly what an Uncle Vinny should be) as a person who sees humor in places and situations that others don’t. This was after he spent the better part of my grandmother’s annual memorial mass imitating an eagle cowering in the corner of his cage, as a truant ten-year old sat perched atop the cage taunting said eagle. It was one of those moments in church when you sit gripping your stomach, tears running down your face, heaving silently with laughter, hoping no one notices that you’re acting up. Anyway, I think of myself that way too, I just see the funny in things that others don’t.

One of the best things about the group of friends I’ve collected over the years is that many of them are the same way. And one of the best things about this blog is sharing the little trifles in life that make me smile, or laugh, or want to bang my head up against a brick wall and hearing back from this one or that one that they think the exact same thing. I can't think of anything more gratifying than making my friends smile or laugh at the nonsense I type here.

On that note: I am desperately searching for sound clips from the movie Overboard. If anyone can find a source I will be forever grateful.

may 17: national day of celebration

Get out the pink feather pens, it's time to mark your calendars. The Federline's UPN show beings on May 17!

In other Federline (don't you just love saying that name? I could say it over and over "federline.... feddderliiine") news, Bit Bit Federline is getting an extreme home make-over. Complete with a chandelier topped doggy bed. I do not make this shit up.

flames on the side of my face

I could listen to this over and over and over and over....

flames, flames

insight into my childhood

When I was a kid my parents read to me all the time - the strongest memories I have of childhood are of the stories mum & dad read to me every night. That and sitting outside school waiting to be picked up because I had head lice.

"I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure."
"It's powdered sugar."
"The lice hate the sugar."

Such is life when you’re a city kid.

I bring this up because Mom is throwing a baby shower for a friend’s daughter, the theme of which is ‘your favorite children’s book’. She asked me to locate a copy of “The Little Red Caboose,” which my dad always used to read to me at bedtime. It flies a bit under the radar screen, most people favor “The Little Engine That Could” when it comes to locomotive-themed kids books. But I was always a little red caboose girl. So I searched on Mom’s behalf, and lo and behold there it was on amazon. If any of you are in the market for a baby book I would highly recommend it.

While I was at it, I trolled around Ye Olde Internete and found that another childhood favorite, Little Black Sambo, can be read online despite being eradicated from print by the PC police. Hurrah! While I completely understand now why it’s not kosher, nonetheless it was a favorite of mine growing up - I always liked the part when the tigers turned themselves into ghee. Must be the Indian Kid in me…

On that note, there was an article in today’s Times about the groundswell of activity and activism among mixed race kids. FINALLY! Someone is talking about what it’s like to be a half & half, beyond the standard half black/half white. While I get that the black/white combo is the most fraught in this country, it’s nice that folks are finally acknowledging that there are other variations on the mixed race experience. The article even leads with a half white, half Indian girl – just like me! Tell me, Geetha, were the Indian girls mean to you in college too, insisting that you can’t be Indian because “you have no Indian features”? (BTW if you're out there you dumbasses: Indians are technically caucasion - there's no such thing as "Indian features" other than perhaps a nose ring and a bhindi.) Did white people make heinous comments about curry-smelling, cab-driving Indians to your face, not realizing that you’re ½ curry-smelling, cab-driving Indian? I thought so. Brutal, ain’t it?

it's not been a good month for the ISL

The 2 prep schools I attended are part of a sports league called the ISL. Strange things are afoot in the ISL...

Ah, the parents must be so proud: "My kid went to Groton and now he's a top percentile pervert!"
Groton trustees said to OK guilty plea: Charged in '99 failure to report alleged abuse

I went to school with this kid. Joe, you look lovely in that dress...
Cambridge cops cross up bandit

my patois

I love words. I love them so much that sometimes I make up my own.

The A: The Agita (alt: A); anything that causes anxiety or discomfort
Provenance: Necessary shortening due to overuse of 'the agita' on January 1, 2004
Example: the Bloomies make-up department is giving me such The A

AWOK: Anna Wintour OK. Vogue-ese for anything Anna-approved.
Provenance: The 4 months I spent working at Vogue

Boca Bling: Any combination of goldtoned and brightly colored clothing
Provenance: Goldtone Jack Rogers worn with tangerine terry housepants
Example: JLo's Boca Bling caftan at the Grammy's was outstanding

boca bling jacks

Butter Knives: What we theoretically would use to slit our wrists when life - or a hangover - gets to be too much to handle
Provenance: Unknown, RDG & LBH introduced the term
Example: I drank 4 bottles of pootie last night and have to have Sunday supper with mum & dad. Someone hand me my butter knives.

Chardonnache: The particular headache that crops up the day after consuming too much chardonnay

Dirty Shirley: A Shirley Temple with vodka (properly called a Shirley Temple Black, but who needs proper?!)

Dusty: Unattractive, a little worn around the edges, not so cute
Provenance: two dudes in my friend Melissa's elevator discussing a mutual aquaintnace one of them had run into the night before
Example: "She's lost a lot of weight, but still eh... she's kind of dusty." (That's really what they said, at which point I asked what dusty meant.)

Gros: Shortened form of gross
Provenance: Too little room on cell phone banner for full word

Housepants: Elastic waistband pants, worn both in- and outside of the house

The Lanai: A porch, fire escape or other small outdoor area
Provenance: The Golden Girls
Example: MK, put on your tangerine housepants and join me on the lanai for a smoke

the lanai

Massholery: The act of engaging in Masshole-like behavior

Misled: Pronounced mizeled (alt: misling, misle) anything that is confounding
Provenance: A friend of a friend mispronouncing misled while reading aloud
Example: I’m so misled by the whole Jessica Simpson & Johnny Knoxville thing

Overcelebrating: 1. The act of drinking too much, dancing too fast, staying up too late, etc. on the first night of a big party weekend. 2. Generally blowing out
Provenance: I would tell you if I could remember

Pootie: Champagne (alt: shampootie, shampoo)

Pron: Porn, deliberately misspelled
Provenance: email misspelling gone wild

Sluther: To lounge in blissful sloth
Provenance: perversion of slither, as in slithering around in bed
Example: It’s going to be rainy and gros tomorrow, so I think I’m just going to sluther around the apartment in housepants

Swanning: (v.) Languidly gliding from one destination to another

Syrup: Red bull
Provenance: Super Troopers "These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."

Wicked: I'm from Boston, do I need to explain this one?

death to disco

*sigh* The AmId song picker guy blew it again. I mean... come on!! Stop with the dicso, it's just painful for everyone invovled. How about 80s pop? New wave? Disaffected 90s alternapop (wouldn't you just love to see Carrie bust out some "Fuck and Run"??? Or is that just me? Actually on second thought, no, Carrie, don't touch Liz Phair. I might have to beat you with an OB tampon if trifled with Exile.)

Here's my recap:

Oh dear God no!
Bo

Eh...
Constantine
Scott
Anthony
Carrie

Oh hells yes!
Vonzell
Anwar

I was sorry to see Anwar go, but not shocked. Loved that he sang September, GREAT song choice. Very cool guy, I hope we see him again. I'm perplexed at the whole Bo thing. I don't dislike him, I'm just not that into his recent performances. And that hair, oy. He needs a V05 but bad.

scavenger hunt, part deux

After a marathon sleep session last night, I’m rested, still bruised, and ready to continue the recap of the world’s greatest scavenger hunt.

When we last saw Team El Tigre, they were scampering off on their way to pillage & plunder in pursuit of the Scavenger Hunt Cup. Here’s how we did it:

Stunt 1: Drive an 18-wheeler. Erin volunteered to take on the first stunt, jumping in the cab of a domino’s truck and driving it one full foot. In her bikini. Clearly Camilla had chosen well.

Mishap 1: We head off to tackle stunt 2 (streak a baseball game) but chicken out when we realize there is a playground right next to the diamond. No one needs to get arrested for indecent exposure involving a minor. We accidentally leave Erin & Heather behind, believing that they were abducted by another team. We’re sorry Erin & Heather!!! Don’t worry, folks, we rescued them later.

Detour 1: Off to the store for supplies. Our shopping list:

• Tampons
• Diapers
• Condoms
• Hair rollers
• Beer (Dennis bought the beer. Thanks Dennis!)

Detour 2: Trouble in the parking lot. Camilla, trusting soul that she is, fell for it hook line and sinker when Livs, cheater that she is, asked Millers for her car keys. A game of keep the keys away from Team El Tigre ensued. Team El Tigre won.

Stunt 2: Abduct two Salve girls and bring them along on the hunt. Sara & Joy, we love you two girls. You rocked. Thanks for joining the madness, we hope you had fun! Sara, you looked LOVELY in that prom dress.

Stunt 3: Leap frog in your underpants in front of the Tennis Hall of Fame. Christina & John, excellent work.

Detour 3: CK Bradley warehouse. The site of several stunts.

Stunt 4: Jeff dons a suit of tampons

Stunt 5: John, Peter, and Dew don adult diapers. Said adult diapers have suspicious brown streak down front. Said adult diapers are gross. I hope I never have that “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now” problem.

Stunt 6: John makes a call from a stranger’s phone. Sara’s friend on the other end of the line has no idea why it was so funny when John announced “I’m a senior you can depend on.” John, you look hot in adult diapers.

Stunt 7: Peter & Jeff, in tampon suit and diaper respectively, head in to the 7 Eleven to ask for directions. Two of Friso’s Fusha Fokkers arrive at the 7 Eleven. They look good in fuchsia. They also insist that fuchsia is spelled ‘fusha’. Sure guys, whatever you say.

Time to terrorize Bannister’s Wharf.

Stunt 8: Jump off the end of Bannister’s Wharf. Dew & Dennis took this one. Excellent work guys. Heard among the crowd “Is that legal?” “I have no idea.” “That water must be like 60 degrees” “Try more like 40.”

Why do we do this stuff?

Stunt 9: Kiss the ice cream guy at Ben & Jerry’s. Allie, our resident kissing bandit, charmed the stunned and resistant B&J kid into giving her a smooch. Not to be outdone, Dew, still sopping wet, in a towel & bathing cap, jumped behind the counter to get smooches from the two girls lucky enough to be on duty that day. Someone asked for a free sample and we were back out on our way.

Stunt 10: Kiss a fireman. Allie, again with the kissing. This was also the point at which we rescued Erin & Heather. See, I told you it would be ok! The girls forgave us quickly for the abandonment and we roared off to find a quiet spot to apply an apple pie a la mode bikini.

At this point you may be wondering what my contributions are. Frankly, I was wondering the same thing. I announced that I felt that I had not done nearly enough to carry my weight, and that having gotten a tattoo on last year’s hunt “I had a reputation to protect.” To which John replied “That’s why your nipples should be on ice right now.” Which brings us to...

Failed stunt number 1: Get a nipple ring. Peter actually volunteered to take this one. I like my nipples, they’ve been good to me and haven’t done anything to deserve punishment. Unfortunately upon arrival at the nipple piercing parlor Peter discovered that the nipple piercing professional was on vacation. Oh well, there’s always next year.

Stunt 11: Streak a baseball field, part 2. We found a field to streak without fear of kiddie porn charges. Two huge shout-outs on this one: John who went full monty (our first full frontal of the day, but certainly not our last) and Heather, who the night before had expressed reservations about having to take her clothes off. I assured Heather that there was no pressure to do anything she didn’t want to and that everyone had the right to determine their own comfort level. That’s another great thing about these weekends, it really is totally up to each person to decide how nuts they want to be. Anyway, Heather surprised us (and herself probably) by joining me, Camilla, Christina and Erin in a topless run around the bases.

Stunt 12: Full body car wash. Erin, Christina, Camilla & I donned our bikinis while the boys prepared the car by dousing it with Palmolive & water from our super soakers. The girls climbed atop the hood of the car and slipped and slid until it was clean. It was actually really really fun!

Stunt 13: Make out with a team member of the same sex. Time to up the ante - Christina & I volunteered for this one, engaging in a rough game of tonsil hockey on the hood of the car. Soapy. In bikinis. We’re so hot. Apparently things got too hot because I ended up with a bloody lip. Cool.

Stunt 14: Apply an apple pie bikini. Erin took a big one for the team and submitted while I applied the whipped cream and Camilla distributed the pie. Erin joined Dennis, Peter and the gym mat guy on the hero list. Another great thing about these weekends is that I always end up with great new girlfriends.

Stunt 15: Abduct a sailor. Driving along Memorial Dennis & Christina worked the megaphone, imploring any local seamen to join us for a great party. We found one willing to join us (in retrospect willing might be too strong a term) and Dennis leapt into the cab of the sailor’s truck to ensure that his hard earned booty made it home with us.

Stunt 16: Draw a dinosaur in the sand naked. John, proving that it’s always the quiet ones who go the most wild, shed his clothes and frolicked happily along the sand in only his shoes. John, take your rightful place at the top of the hero list.

Stunt 17: Paint a bikini on Jolie. We used the car paint. It was hard to get off.

Time to head back to the house for the lip sync contest. Our lip sync - a strip tease to “heads, shoulders, knees and toes” was a little ghetto. We didn’t win. But on the hunt, everyone’s a winner.

Millers & Livs, thank you 550 times over for organizing another stellar event and assembling this roving pack of animals.

Scavenger Hunt 2006: Go Big or Go Home!!!

game on

It’s Marathon Monday here in Boston, and I’m having sympathy pains for the runners, having survived a marathon of sorts this weekend. Yes, people the 2005 Newport Scavenger Hunt has come and gone.

For the uninitiated, the scav. hunt is a weekend of unparalleled madness, organized by Camilla & Olivia*. I like to describe Millers & Livs as the head counselors at the coolest camp in the world. I’m not sure what I’ve done to be blessed with friends as amazing as they, but I am forever grateful that they are part of my life.

The best thing about these weekends – other than the nudity and pink panty pulldown punch – is that everyone is there for the same singular reason: To have as much fun as possible. No judgment, no attitude, no whining, no meanness. I have the best friends in the world.

But back to business, and fair warning: Posting this entire story will take several days, so check back frequently for further tales of debauchery. Pictures will follow at some point, but I’ve misplaced my camera so you’ll all just have to hang tight until I find it.

– Friday Night –

Erin, Kirsten, Heather & Livs arrived to find Hadley, me & Millers unpacking the spoils of our trip to BJs and Bridge Liquors. Popov & OJs for everyone! Girl talk ensued. Gibby arrived from Boston just in time to join in our discussion of when everyone lost their virginity. About an hour later, when the pizza arrived, we noticed Gibby wasn’t around, having evacuated himself to the solitude of the great room. It was going to be a looooong weekend for Gibby.

The night wore on, the Popov kicked in and the rest of the revelers arrived. Dennis made himself a hero by bringing 6 cases of awesome beer to offset the crap vodka we supplied (hey, we were on a budget, it was the best we could do!). Dennis is Dutch. And works at Heineken. Both of which make him really really cool. Dennis was also on my team, which made him really really really cool. We like Dennis.

Someone – and whoever you are you’re joining Dennis on the hero list – brought a fold out, red & navy, old school gym mat, remember those? The ones you learned to do a cartwheel on in grammar school? Exactly. Yay! Tumbling! Erin did the worm, Carrie & Kirsten tore it up with the hot dance moves, Doug banged out some killer summersaults and Dax served as a human jungle gym.

Dennis again proved himself a hero by playing “Filthy Gorgeous” which inspired Hadley & I to bust out our best Coyote Ugly imitation and perform a striptease atop the bar. Shockingly Andy, who never does anything scandalous, joined us and his clothes came off too. And Andy, for the record, there were plenty of people in that room who “wanted to see a dude naked.”

The scavenger hunt virgins were nervous. The weekend was off to a good start.

– Saturday –

The morning started off with a big breakfast and a trip to Wal*Mart. Dressed in our CK Bradley cheerleading uniforms we girls cut a cunning picture. There was a wee scuffle in the Wal*Mart parking lot when an old lady shouted “FOOL!” at Christina apropos of nothing. Well, maybe it was apropos of Christina opening the car door into the lady, but I’m not really sure. Christina, feel free to clear up that mystery for me.

Having barely survived the parking lot, Erin, Heather, Christina & I stormed the underpants section in search of new fundies. In her excitement over her first ever trip to Wal*Mart, Emily split off from the group. Big mistake. We left her behind. On purpose. What?! She wasn’t on our team – and this was war, people! All’s fair in love and hunting.

After a trip to the car wash we figured we had probably made Emily squirm enough and went back to rescue her. Upon out return to the house Millers & Livs kicked the hunt off. The teams gathered, outfitted themselves in costumery and rolled off. The Game Was On.

Camilla got the spirit of Team El Tigre going early when she sent us the following preparatory email:

You all were hand picked by yours truly as the finest specimens for a team ready to conquer, pillage and rape. I have done extensive research on your backgrounds and well, you all were the most devious I could find… with a little of my punch you won’t remember your names or why you are skipping nekked through the local fire dep’t with a stocking over your head singing ‘sweet home alabama’. Please bring bathing suits/speedos for guys sneakers and flips.

Stay tuned to find out how serious Team El Tigre (Girls: Camilla, Christina, Erin, Heather, Allie & me. Boys: Tielman, Dennis, Jeff, Peter and John.) was when we exclaimed “WE ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!”



*first names only to protect the guilty.

but what to get the happy couple?

Big news in Britty land: She’s all knocked up! Man, that K.Fed sure is a baby-makin’ machine.

I’m a little stressed about a shower gift, perhaps a wee track suit/beater ensemble? A pacifier in the shape of a Kool? Low-rise diapers? Suggestions are welcome.

AmId
I tuned in a hair late because my pizza & beer date ran over a bit. There to greet me, despite my late arrival, were Daryl Hall & John Oates. It was clearly going to be a good show.

I gleaned from the unfortunate childhood photos that the theme was ‘songs from the year you were born’ – is this correct? If so, props to the theme-picker guy because overall AWESOME song choices. In fact, so good that I’m gonna give it a WICKED AWESOME.

Now then...

Anthony: Every Time You Go Away is, like, one of my all time favorite songs – I thank you for not butchering it. That’s still not a compliment.

Vonzell: I hate to say it. Hate to say it. Not great, underwhelming. How could you underwhelm me with Let’s Hear it for the Boy? !? I’m disappointed in you. You looked cute though!

Scott: Under normal circumstances I would leave it at this: Denim on denim. *shakes head, sighs* No.

But these are extraordinary circumstances and I feel compelled to say the following: -1- Please stop showing his childhood photos. Please. -2- Despite the fact that you weigh as much as the two of them combined, you’re no Hall & Oates. At least he didn’t sing Rich Girl. I would not have been able to recover from that. Some things are sacred.

Carrie: I love you.

Constantine: Several things, bullets required

• Little drummer boy - I mean…
• Bohemian Rhapsody? Ambitious.
• Tongue. Stay in mouth.
• I hate myself for this. I like him. A lot.

From what I caught in the 30 second recap

Nadia: Cool. Fucking cool.
Bo: Freebird?!??!? Oh shit, no.... dude, you CAN’T take on Freebird. That’s just so wrong!
Anwar: Yes. Awesome.

horrible accidents in the world of styling products

Today marks another first with the new hair: I have officially used too much 'product' for the first time since lopping off my fiery locks.

By way of background, I cut off all my hair about 2 1/2 weeks ago. My reasons for doing so are myriad - "I was impressed to see that she made proper use of the word 'myriad' in her suicide note" - and as twisted and hilarious as I *no ego on that Jolie - nope, none at all*. I'll go into them one of these days, but it's part of a larger story that's going to require more than a 5 minute post.

I digress, back to the product tragedy. I bought a new kind of paste (oh yes, I use paste, amaaazing) to replace the other stuff I was using - frankly I was tired of reeking of an Aveda salon. But I'm not used to the new stuff yet, and tragically, I overpasted today. I also discovered that there's really no cure for overpasting.

The weekend brought much blog fodder (blodder?) Stay tuned for thoughts on Camilla & Charles, the WMD commission report, and why men should ALWAYS be the one picking up the phone.

yesterday we observed a moment of silence...

...for Nikko Smith. Apparently all of America went deaf on Tuesday night.

Today's little joy: Laughing so hard at a voicemail that tears run down your face onto your keyboard. This came to me from a friend who knows funny. Take a listen, happy weekend.

today's small victory

In the throes of winter 2004 my friend Toddles lamented that the harsh climate in these here parts force women into loathesome black tights if they want to wear skirts. I reminded him that if it were not for those bleak winter days, he would be deprived of the delicious spring moments when legs emerge from black tights and brave the outdoors bare for the first time in months.

Toddles, today is your day, Pony. My legs have broken the confines of their lycra cocoon.

2 more gems to keep the mood level up. I hear they have pills for that, but really who needs pills when you've got the AP Wire Service?

Report: Desperate Housewives' flip out at photo shoot
Cross grabbed her bathrobe, tore away her wig - revealing a horrible scar - and stormed off, spewing expletives at the ABC rep.
I may have editorialized a bit.

Google now has satellite maps. God's view of Fenway.

ok people, quiet down, we've got a lot to cover

Does anyone else work for a company that inflicts formal performance reviews on it's employees? Today is review day. Somebody polish up my butter knives.

Given that, today more than ever I'll be celebrating the little joys (and by little joys I mean Britty's reality series). Please feel free to submit anything that you think may bring me a smile or laugh. Consider it your good deed for the day.

Let's get started, shall we?

AmId
Seacrest. Dude. Stop cutting Simon off. He is paid - big bucks - to be an asshole. Please let him do his job. And not for nothing, but the man speaketh the truth.

I sincerely hope that the category-picking-guy has followed the phone-number-entering-guy out the door. MUSICALS? Seriously, did I hear right: SHOW-FUCKING-TUNES????? My ears! They bleed!

Reeked
Fat Scott (I've seen Man of La Mancha - what he sang bore no resemblance to Dream the Impossible Dream)
Anthony (Please. Just go.)
Bo (Bo! Oh Bo! Why not something from Godspell??????)

Great Performance, Hideous Song
Carrie
Nadia

Decent Performance, Hideous Song
Anwar
Nikko (loving his style though - he's like the church-going Usher)

And That's What I Have to Say About That
Vonzell. Babs. I think I've died and gone to heaven. And heaven looks a lot like a gay cabaret.

Britney & K.Fed
I'm still reeling over the good news. Now comes this gem, from Mrs. Federline herself:

"As I said before, I am now going to be expressing my personal life through art."

But Page 6 reports that there's trouble in paradise:

A representative for Spears said: "Britney was afraid her dog, Bit Bit, was pregnant by [brother] Brian's dog, Porkchop and that would be incest."

Sometimes it's just too easy...

Note to UPN: A 6-ep arc is not NEARLY enough!

I just experienced my first multiple orgasm*

BRITNEY BARES ALL
Pop star, hubby topline UPN show

Britney Spears is turning the tables on the tabloids. In a bid tooffer another take on her much-documented love life, the pop superstar and hubby Kevin Federline will topline their own unscripted series on UPN.

The good news came in this morning - and in the interim Jeff, of Side Salad fame, managed to scoop me on my own blog!

In all seriousness, Jeff, thanks for keeping me in my Daily Moment of Britney after all these years.

*apologies to my exes. I guess now you all know.

today we celebrate

Despite the best efforts of the employees at my local Dunkin Donuts to fatten me up (this morning brought a sneak attack in the form of sugar instead of sweet n low - you slippery coffee man, I'm on to you. Can't get nothing past this smart-ass little redhead.) I have apparently shed more weight. I slid into a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear since the dotcom era! Oh joyous morning! Please don't ask why I've held on to ill-fitting pants for 5 years. So today we celebrate that minor victory and look ahead to this weekend, which is shaping up to be an exercise in obsessive fandom: A Red Sox cultural double header. First the Rockwell/Sox exhibit at the MFA followed by Fever Pitch. God I love spring.

well don't I feel like the red headed stepchild of stupid

It's BYE week. An option I had not even considered.

Bye (n.)
1. A secondary matter; a side issue.
2. Sports. The position of one who draws no opponent for a round in a tournament and so advances to the next round.

Thank you to His Nickyness & Fraggle von Yakenstein for rescuing me from my ignorance.

Let's celebrate what we've learned today by facing our fear of the cowbell

my weekend prayers

It was a spiritual kind of weekend, what with goings on in Vatican City & Opening Day - all told I believe I watched about 550 hours of Papal coverage & Ken Burns Baseball. I did, however, catch a snippet each of the Trashiest Girls on TV: Gastineau and Power. How do these people live with themselves? The horror, the horror, the bleach-blonde horror!! I can only handle about 79 seconds of each show before breaking out in hives and maniacally reaching for the remote, but it did occur to me that someone should call FOX and suggest a Gastineau/Power Girls You're-Not-A-Celebrity-Despite-Your-Best-Efforts-To-Convince-Us-Otherwise Mud Wrestling Smackdown.

Better yet, invite Victoria Gotti and we'll make it a threesome.

show dick some respect

A crisis on the D line prevented me from seeing Sin City this weekend - I really wish the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority would be more considerate of my social schedule. I also wish the Red Sox would be more considerate of my need to not see the Yankees beat them on opening night. Fuck. I hate it when the Yankees win. I decided last night that the Yankees are the Draco Malfoy of Major League Baseball. Your daddy may have bought you the fanciest new broomstick on the market, but good always trumps evil in the end...

T-minus 12 days until the commencement of the Newport Scavenger Hunt/best day of my life. I just checked in with the evite, and found the most amazing response. Ever.

“Flight's booked, neck brace off, game on.”

I don’t know the person who wrote it, but I am very much looking forward to meeting him. Speaking of accomplishments in writing I want to give a shout out to Heather Timmons of the Times, who easily captures the honor of ‘lede of the week’ “The bride wore tweed.” Heather, impressive wordsmithery…

a friend just informed me…

…that last night The OC was bunked in favor of Tru Calling (I mean, I love me some Eliza Dushku, what with her Buffy stint and all – though Faith got real tiresome, real fast, non? Oh Gaaawd, don’t get me started on BtheVS…. - but TC is no kind of replacement for OC). I really am having a great week, someone upstairs (The Pope, is that you? Sorry, I’ll try to be better, maybe I’ll even hit Mass one of these days) must be looking out for me, because I certainly don’t deserve to be rewarded with a buy week for last night’s pill popping episode.

Actually, here’s a good question and Google was no help: Is the correct term BUY WEEK, BI WEEK OR BY WEEK? I’m vexed - and I’m not some dumb girl who doesn’t know sports either, I worked at Sports Illustrated (edit side thankyouverymuch). But seriously, what is it?

In any event, maybe the universe isn’t giving me a good week, perhaps I’m just doing a better job of appreciating ‘the little joys’. Maybe it’s the new hair… after all there are those who say: Change your hair, change your life.

apparently someone else is feeling a little gumby today too

So my friend & coworker Mikey and I have a tendency to engage in some creepy brainsharing. As I was typing up today's entry, not paying any attention to what was going on to my right, he pinged me. Turns out he decided today was the day that his Gumby collection would make it's debut in the office. I mean...

I feel like gumby

I took a muscle relaxer at 7 because I really needed to guarantee a good night's sleep. However, I didn't focus on two key facts: -1- I haven't taken one in over a year and my tolerance is much lower -2- I didn't eat much yesterday, and a diet DP and 3 morsels of chicken salad does not a strong base for pills make. By 7:30 I was drooling on myself. By 7:45 I was "resting my eyes" and the next thing I knew it was 6:40 am. I am still all hinkty.

I did however, get to watch Brokaw before the drooling commenced (yes, I know it's Brian Williams now, but NBC Nightly News has always just been "Brokaw" to me and I have no plans to change that. So there.). It's always a good night when I'm home early enough to watch the national news. A point of contention: There are times when less is more. I really don't need to know that the Pope's fever was caused by a urinary tract infection. Couldn't they just say "an infection"? Show the man some respect, please. I'm about as bad a Catholic as one can be, but still I think he has earned the right to die with some dignity. He’s a man of God, and it seems inappropriate to discuss his urinary tract.

I had a happy little occurrence this morning, a sorority sister found me on Friendster. She's darling, just moved to Boston and sent me a very cute message saying "I think you were the pledge mom for the class ahead of me." It made me smile that she said that. I loved those girls and loved making them feel welcomed and supported, so it's wonderful to know that 7 years later some of them still remember me in that way. *sigh* Theta love, it really is the little things in life...